You are a great guy. Obviously, because you have come to us looking for entertainment and a tune up in your skills. Women want to meet guys like you, but you sure are making it hard on yourself. Notice how women spend an unreasonable sum of money on clothing (never tell them it's unreasonable, in fact, say they could use more shoes). They spend this effort and money because it is important to them. Now it is important to you.
DO: Stand out. This applies to everything, but fashion especially. If you are going to the college pub everyone will have on hoodies with their school name on it. Don't wear a hoodie. The club? Every Johnny Cheesedick will have on the untucked stripped shirt with black pants on. Don't wear that. Hipster music bar? If you wear anything called "vintage" you may aswell be wallpaper.
You can incorporate parts of these things, but always have something that makes you stand out. No not a mullet. Unless you plan on listening to those Dokken records alone, cool guy.
DO: Target Your Market. See that girl you like? Yeah, her. See the guys she dates? Well, they are obviously doing something right. Dress for the types of women you plan to meet. Again head the rule about standing out, but you can take aspects of successful guys style and make it work for you. Ultimatly you want to project an individuality and a high status to these young ladies. Helpful in this area is finding friends who succeed, or female friends who you would like to boink but never will. Get them to take you shopping.
Now, the fun part. Here are some big big DON'Ts. These following things are not to be found in your wardrobe ever, no matter what. Not even to be ironic. In fact, don't wear anything to be ironic, the joke is funny for 5 seconds and you look like an ass for the whole evening. Never wear the following:
Baseball Caps
People who look good in Baseball Caps:
Baseball Players
Black Rappers
People who don't:
You
Wearing a baseball cap when you're not playing baseball is the same as wearing a batting helmet. Stupid. They make you look like a self-concious bald guy (if you're bald just embrace it, pansy) or like you just fell off the haywagon.
Worse than just baseball caps are baseball caps that aren't for baseball. Baseball caps that have your favorite beer (which sucks by the way, get some taste), were bought at American Eagle, your favorite Nascar driver or TAPOUT on them are exactly as stupid as getting a Florida Marlins soccer jersey. Think about it. Hmmm bad sports clothes, that takes us to...
MMA Clothing
Again with the sports question. Would you ever wear a shirt that just said NHL on it? No, of course not. You have a favorite team you support. Why oh why do people wear the name of the UFC? Its just like having a poster in your room for MGM studios. Or a "vintage" T-Shirt for Capitol records.
Special note: If you are looking to beat someone up, pick this guy. Sure he knows about "liver shots" but he probably punches with his thumb in his fist. People who train for MMA don't need to advertise. Also they'd rather wear...
Affliction Bullshit Nonsense
You're basically wearing an Emo band's cover art. With these shirts, Affliction actually made a tribal tatoo for the guys who weren't manly enough to actually get one on their body. As a guide, the Fight Sports best dressed goes like this:
Boxers: All suits. All times
Wrestlers: Zubaz and Fanny Packs.
MMA: Affliction and Ballcaps.
Wearing this crap means sweatpants are a step up. Real talk.
Asian Letter Tatoos
I don't care if it means "Humble Warrior", it translates to "Douchebag".
Oakleys
I will never understand spending several hundred dollars on something that looks like it's $10. Oakleys were a fad that were cool when I was in Grade 10. So were bell bottoms on women. Expensive sunglasses only make sense if they are a) needed for health reasons and b) look as much as they cost! Having nice things is great, as long as they look like nice things. If you need sunglasses get something cheap or get someone with decent style to go with you. Really, I don't trust you to buy something that doesn't make you look like an extra in Zoolander.
That's all for today. More Dos and don't in the future.
Man Up,
Pat Collins, Sex Architect
