Here is the much anticipated, UPDATED, Collins Bros. Sex Bingo post. Firstly, I changed the download into the old Word format for all you folks who don't have the new edition. Also, before printing, move the squares around to make it a fun and different challange from all your friends.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/49wg6d
There were also recently some questions regaurding what the squares meant. Well why don't we dip down into some descriptions.
Sexspionage: When you have sex with someone else in the room and you must try and remain covert in your humping.
Chilanta Express: R Kelly is from Chicago. Usher is from Atlanta. It's when you and a close bro have sex with the same woman. Not at the same time.
Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU8fcEma1Z4
The Education Trifecta: When you have sex with a High School Student (Adult Ed totally counts for you older players), Community College Student and a University Student. Does not have to all be the same girl. If it is, be ashamed of yourself.
Musician: You totally nail a musician.
NOTE: Going to Lilith Fair to pick up is unwise.
Fireball: When you light part of your body, or your partner's body on fire.
Halloween Hook-Up: One of the Crown Jewels. You must have hooked up with this person Halloween night while both of you have costumes on. Bonus points if you boink a slutty ghost. I mean, it's easy access and they come already armed with bedsheet.
Double Header: "What a beautiful day for a ballgame. Let's play two." Two DIFFERENT women in the same calander day. 24 hour period is totally cheating. 3 ways do not count.
Naked Man: Taken from How I Met Your Mother. Usually used as a last ditch effort on a bad date. Girl leaves room, get immediatly naked. Success is garned if she also joins the nudity and "the sex" is had.
International Incident: Sex in another country than the one you live in, with a person also not from your country. British people don't count. The British are easy.
The Jigga Splash: Pouring an alcoholic beverage on a woman's breasts. Then drinking much of it off.
NOTE: If you are straight-edge you may replace liquor with Pepsi.
NOTE: If you are one of those straight-edge people that don't even drink caffiene, you probably aren't going to get laid, so don't worry.
LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnoI7Be4VZk
ReRun: Have sex with someone you last had sex with two partners ago.
Superman Dat Hoe: Ejaculate between the lady's shoulderblades and stick the bedsheet to her. Fashioning a cape.
NOTE: Bonus points for yelling YOOOOOUUUUUUUU upon climax.
NOTE: Carries risk of her using newly aquired freeze breath on your junk.
LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpocrqvP2Yg
The Throwback: When you reconnect with someone you once knew and saw regularly but have not seen in at least 3 years. You then take this young lady and plow them. An example of this would be a girl you went to highschool with who is now older and much more attractive.
17 Year Itch: Your sex range spans 17 years or more. For example if you boinked a 21 year old and a 38 year old, you're good for the goose.
The Piledriver: See link.
LINK: http://www.sexinfo101.com/piledriver.shtml
Mistaken Identity: They think you have a different name, occupation etc. Like the time Mark Silver, the bad guy from Timecop got some strange. (What Up Big Bro)
Sitting Bull: Another move
LINK: http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_sittingbull.shtml
Impressionist: You must commit the entire deed using either a fake accent or doing an impression of a celebrity.
Friendly Fire: When you totally boink one of your female bro's friends.
Bustin A Sports Nut: when you wear your favorite sports teams jersey/ T-Shirt/ Batting helmet throughout the deed.
Falling on the Grenade: The most noble act in wingsmanship. When you hook up with a girls less desirable friend in order to help your bro hook up with primo hoe.
Brain in the Whip: Getting a suckjob while driving.
NOTE: Still counts if you pull over for safety reasons. But at least try and stick it out.
Remaining squares are self explanitory or easy enough to look up. Now go forth and BINGO UP!
Women's version coming this week.
Pat Collins, Sex Architect
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Importance of a Wingman
Some of the most sage advice I will ever offer you is in this post. It is absolutely vital for any Bro who has had some recent trouble in scoring with chicks, it is your wingman.
Now I know what you're thinking, Pat, as such a paragon of virtue and smart dresser why would you ever need a wingman? Well, I don't. Neither does Mark. But why shovel the driveway when you can snowblow it (or pay a migrant worker to do it)
Imagine yourself at a bar or social gathering. You see girls. Do girls travel alone? Anywhere? No. Women have a terrible fear of not having someone there that they know and that everyone will notice they are alone and judge them. As though the opinions of complete strangers will ever matter. I call this The Freshman Effect as it takes most women back to a time when they didn't know anyone (besides all their friends) and noone understood them. (All women hated high school. Even if it was the best time of their life, they think they hated high school. You can have much success allowing a woman to bore you with how terrible her high school experience was) As such, women frequently "pre-drink" (do their hair and make-up for 3 hours while drinking half a cooler) before they go out to ensure they all are there together and never have a moment of being alone in the crowded building full of people.
This, is why a wingman is vital. Approaching a group of women is intimidating to many (wusses) but even worse can be difficult to succeed at. Often times there is a group cockblock there to steal your target away from you, or a case of "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!" will happen. When this happens, the other girls will take your target and make her dance poorly in a circle with them.
A wingman can block a cockblock, jump on a grenade or offer to dance (not actually dance) with a pull away. Much like an offensive lineman aids his running back, the wingman's goal is to help his teammate score. A wingman can also uptalk a bro and confirm any and all fantastic lies you tell to get laid. A wingman is also your Get Out Of Jail card. If for whatever reason your target is absolutly nuts/ ugly up close you will have to "meet him" and get the fuck up out of Dodge. Real Talk.
Next Up.... Types of Wingmen, What you want in a Wing, Classic Wingsmanship moves.
Now I know what you're thinking, Pat, as such a paragon of virtue and smart dresser why would you ever need a wingman? Well, I don't. Neither does Mark. But why shovel the driveway when you can snowblow it (or pay a migrant worker to do it)
Imagine yourself at a bar or social gathering. You see girls. Do girls travel alone? Anywhere? No. Women have a terrible fear of not having someone there that they know and that everyone will notice they are alone and judge them. As though the opinions of complete strangers will ever matter. I call this The Freshman Effect as it takes most women back to a time when they didn't know anyone (besides all their friends) and noone understood them. (All women hated high school. Even if it was the best time of their life, they think they hated high school. You can have much success allowing a woman to bore you with how terrible her high school experience was) As such, women frequently "pre-drink" (do their hair and make-up for 3 hours while drinking half a cooler) before they go out to ensure they all are there together and never have a moment of being alone in the crowded building full of people.
This, is why a wingman is vital. Approaching a group of women is intimidating to many (wusses) but even worse can be difficult to succeed at. Often times there is a group cockblock there to steal your target away from you, or a case of "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!" will happen. When this happens, the other girls will take your target and make her dance poorly in a circle with them.
A wingman can block a cockblock, jump on a grenade or offer to dance (not actually dance) with a pull away. Much like an offensive lineman aids his running back, the wingman's goal is to help his teammate score. A wingman can also uptalk a bro and confirm any and all fantastic lies you tell to get laid. A wingman is also your Get Out Of Jail card. If for whatever reason your target is absolutly nuts/ ugly up close you will have to "meet him" and get the fuck up out of Dodge. Real Talk.
Next Up.... Types of Wingmen, What you want in a Wing, Classic Wingsmanship moves.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Hostalgia/ Brostalgia
There are two kinds of nostalgia when it comes to social interaction/ being awesome. All other varieties you can avoid because they are a complete and utter waste of time. Relying on old memories is beyond lame. Awesome people generate new classic moments. Now that that is out of the way, here are YOUR two kinds of nostalgia:
Hostalgia: Most humans are prone to weakness. Unfortunately, Bros are human. Hostalgia is one of the saddest cases of this. Hostalgia occurs when a Bro "misses" (ugh) an ex or past lay. This, while natural, happens to be the apex of wussy behavior (and cause of half the songs on the radio by boys in women's jeans). On occation a "tearjerk" is acceptable. A tearjerk is when using either scandalous photos or even enjoyable sexual memories of a past girl a bro reaches that elusive calm of ejaculation. However, if you find yourself doing this more than even once a month to the memory of any specific girl (based on a self stimulous diet of twice a day) it's time to delete those photos for risk of a relapse (NEVER relapse) or becomming sickly hostalgic and longing for days when you were monogomous. That can lead to a dreaded case of a relationship.
Brostalgia: While not as sinister, brostalgia is still a symptom of "dead weight". Some long term friendships have experation dates. Unlike a relationship, which feels great to end, wishing a Bro the best in his future endevors is a task noone wants to face. Truely, realising you and a bro have lost the ability to be awesome together is difficult. Brostalgia is a sign of this. Recalling classic moments is great, especially when recalling them to an impressionable young lady (what up), however, if all time with a bro is spent sitting around remembering "the good ol' days", it's time to pull the plug and go out and get your plug pulled.
I swear Buck(Mark) will post soon.
Pat Collins, Sex Architcet
Hostalgia: Most humans are prone to weakness. Unfortunately, Bros are human. Hostalgia is one of the saddest cases of this. Hostalgia occurs when a Bro "misses" (ugh) an ex or past lay. This, while natural, happens to be the apex of wussy behavior (and cause of half the songs on the radio by boys in women's jeans). On occation a "tearjerk" is acceptable. A tearjerk is when using either scandalous photos or even enjoyable sexual memories of a past girl a bro reaches that elusive calm of ejaculation. However, if you find yourself doing this more than even once a month to the memory of any specific girl (based on a self stimulous diet of twice a day) it's time to delete those photos for risk of a relapse (NEVER relapse) or becomming sickly hostalgic and longing for days when you were monogomous. That can lead to a dreaded case of a relationship.
Brostalgia: While not as sinister, brostalgia is still a symptom of "dead weight". Some long term friendships have experation dates. Unlike a relationship, which feels great to end, wishing a Bro the best in his future endevors is a task noone wants to face. Truely, realising you and a bro have lost the ability to be awesome together is difficult. Brostalgia is a sign of this. Recalling classic moments is great, especially when recalling them to an impressionable young lady (what up), however, if all time with a bro is spent sitting around remembering "the good ol' days", it's time to pull the plug and go out and get your plug pulled.
I swear Buck(Mark) will post soon.
Pat Collins, Sex Architcet
Sunday, January 25, 2009
SUIT UP! #1 Intro to Man Fashion
You can't judge a book by it's cover. True, in the sense, you don't know what's inside. But really if the cover is made entirly out of homemade tampons and moldy french fries you wont want to pick it up to find out.
You are a great guy. Obviously, because you have come to us looking for entertainment and a tune up in your skills. Women want to meet guys like you, but you sure are making it hard on yourself. Notice how women spend an unreasonable sum of money on clothing (never tell them it's unreasonable, in fact, say they could use more shoes). They spend this effort and money because it is important to them. Now it is important to you.
DO: Stand out. This applies to everything, but fashion especially. If you are going to the college pub everyone will have on hoodies with their school name on it. Don't wear a hoodie. The club? Every Johnny Cheesedick will have on the untucked stripped shirt with black pants on. Don't wear that. Hipster music bar? If you wear anything called "vintage" you may aswell be wallpaper.
You can incorporate parts of these things, but always have something that makes you stand out. No not a mullet. Unless you plan on listening to those Dokken records alone, cool guy.
DO: Target Your Market. See that girl you like? Yeah, her. See the guys she dates? Well, they are obviously doing something right. Dress for the types of women you plan to meet. Again head the rule about standing out, but you can take aspects of successful guys style and make it work for you. Ultimatly you want to project an individuality and a high status to these young ladies. Helpful in this area is finding friends who succeed, or female friends who you would like to boink but never will. Get them to take you shopping.
Now, the fun part. Here are some big big DON'Ts. These following things are not to be found in your wardrobe ever, no matter what. Not even to be ironic. In fact, don't wear anything to be ironic, the joke is funny for 5 seconds and you look like an ass for the whole evening. Never wear the following:
Baseball Caps
People who look good in Baseball Caps:
Baseball Players
Black Rappers
People who don't:
You
Wearing a baseball cap when you're not playing baseball is the same as wearing a batting helmet. Stupid. They make you look like a self-concious bald guy (if you're bald just embrace it, pansy) or like you just fell off the haywagon.
Worse than just baseball caps are baseball caps that aren't for baseball. Baseball caps that have your favorite beer (which sucks by the way, get some taste), were bought at American Eagle, your favorite Nascar driver or TAPOUT on them are exactly as stupid as getting a Florida Marlins soccer jersey. Think about it. Hmmm bad sports clothes, that takes us to...
MMA Clothing
Again with the sports question. Would you ever wear a shirt that just said NHL on it? No, of course not. You have a favorite team you support. Why oh why do people wear the name of the UFC? Its just like having a poster in your room for MGM studios. Or a "vintage" T-Shirt for Capitol records.
Special note: If you are looking to beat someone up, pick this guy. Sure he knows about "liver shots" but he probably punches with his thumb in his fist. People who train for MMA don't need to advertise. Also they'd rather wear...
Affliction Bullshit Nonsense
You're basically wearing an Emo band's cover art. With these shirts, Affliction actually made a tribal tatoo for the guys who weren't manly enough to actually get one on their body. As a guide, the Fight Sports best dressed goes like this:
Boxers: All suits. All times
Wrestlers: Zubaz and Fanny Packs.
MMA: Affliction and Ballcaps.
Wearing this crap means sweatpants are a step up. Real talk.
Asian Letter Tatoos
I don't care if it means "Humble Warrior", it translates to "Douchebag".
Oakleys
I will never understand spending several hundred dollars on something that looks like it's $10. Oakleys were a fad that were cool when I was in Grade 10. So were bell bottoms on women. Expensive sunglasses only make sense if they are a) needed for health reasons and b) look as much as they cost! Having nice things is great, as long as they look like nice things. If you need sunglasses get something cheap or get someone with decent style to go with you. Really, I don't trust you to buy something that doesn't make you look like an extra in Zoolander.
That's all for today. More Dos and don't in the future.
Man Up,
Pat Collins, Sex Architect
You are a great guy. Obviously, because you have come to us looking for entertainment and a tune up in your skills. Women want to meet guys like you, but you sure are making it hard on yourself. Notice how women spend an unreasonable sum of money on clothing (never tell them it's unreasonable, in fact, say they could use more shoes). They spend this effort and money because it is important to them. Now it is important to you.
DO: Stand out. This applies to everything, but fashion especially. If you are going to the college pub everyone will have on hoodies with their school name on it. Don't wear a hoodie. The club? Every Johnny Cheesedick will have on the untucked stripped shirt with black pants on. Don't wear that. Hipster music bar? If you wear anything called "vintage" you may aswell be wallpaper.
You can incorporate parts of these things, but always have something that makes you stand out. No not a mullet. Unless you plan on listening to those Dokken records alone, cool guy.
DO: Target Your Market. See that girl you like? Yeah, her. See the guys she dates? Well, they are obviously doing something right. Dress for the types of women you plan to meet. Again head the rule about standing out, but you can take aspects of successful guys style and make it work for you. Ultimatly you want to project an individuality and a high status to these young ladies. Helpful in this area is finding friends who succeed, or female friends who you would like to boink but never will. Get them to take you shopping.
Now, the fun part. Here are some big big DON'Ts. These following things are not to be found in your wardrobe ever, no matter what. Not even to be ironic. In fact, don't wear anything to be ironic, the joke is funny for 5 seconds and you look like an ass for the whole evening. Never wear the following:
Baseball Caps
People who look good in Baseball Caps:
Baseball Players
Black Rappers
People who don't:
You
Wearing a baseball cap when you're not playing baseball is the same as wearing a batting helmet. Stupid. They make you look like a self-concious bald guy (if you're bald just embrace it, pansy) or like you just fell off the haywagon.
Worse than just baseball caps are baseball caps that aren't for baseball. Baseball caps that have your favorite beer (which sucks by the way, get some taste), were bought at American Eagle, your favorite Nascar driver or TAPOUT on them are exactly as stupid as getting a Florida Marlins soccer jersey. Think about it. Hmmm bad sports clothes, that takes us to...
MMA Clothing
Again with the sports question. Would you ever wear a shirt that just said NHL on it? No, of course not. You have a favorite team you support. Why oh why do people wear the name of the UFC? Its just like having a poster in your room for MGM studios. Or a "vintage" T-Shirt for Capitol records.
Special note: If you are looking to beat someone up, pick this guy. Sure he knows about "liver shots" but he probably punches with his thumb in his fist. People who train for MMA don't need to advertise. Also they'd rather wear...
Affliction Bullshit Nonsense
You're basically wearing an Emo band's cover art. With these shirts, Affliction actually made a tribal tatoo for the guys who weren't manly enough to actually get one on their body. As a guide, the Fight Sports best dressed goes like this:
Boxers: All suits. All times
Wrestlers: Zubaz and Fanny Packs.
MMA: Affliction and Ballcaps.
Wearing this crap means sweatpants are a step up. Real talk.
Asian Letter Tatoos
I don't care if it means "Humble Warrior", it translates to "Douchebag".
Oakleys
I will never understand spending several hundred dollars on something that looks like it's $10. Oakleys were a fad that were cool when I was in Grade 10. So were bell bottoms on women. Expensive sunglasses only make sense if they are a) needed for health reasons and b) look as much as they cost! Having nice things is great, as long as they look like nice things. If you need sunglasses get something cheap or get someone with decent style to go with you. Really, I don't trust you to buy something that doesn't make you look like an extra in Zoolander.
That's all for today. More Dos and don't in the future.
Man Up,
Pat Collins, Sex Architect
Collins Blog Transform!
Dearest Bros-In-Training,
I know what you're thinking. A Collins blog? But The Collins Bros. are the Kings of Cool, the Sultans of Seduction and the Prime Ministers of Duplicitous Genital Friction. Blogs aren't for cool guys. Wrong. We, the Collins boys are making them cool again as of today. Over the coming lifetime we will be sharing tales of tail, rules, theories and stratagies for success in life and with women (plus baseball talk).
For those who don't yet know of The Collins Bros and have merely been surfing the net, looking for a hero, your search is over. The Masters of Manliness are here to teach you all that is right and awesome in the world today.
Man Up,
Pat Collins, Sex Architect
I know what you're thinking. A Collins blog? But The Collins Bros. are the Kings of Cool, the Sultans of Seduction and the Prime Ministers of Duplicitous Genital Friction. Blogs aren't for cool guys. Wrong. We, the Collins boys are making them cool again as of today. Over the coming lifetime we will be sharing tales of tail, rules, theories and stratagies for success in life and with women (plus baseball talk).
For those who don't yet know of The Collins Bros and have merely been surfing the net, looking for a hero, your search is over. The Masters of Manliness are here to teach you all that is right and awesome in the world today.
Man Up,
Pat Collins, Sex Architect
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